While I was in university, during my late teens and early twenties, I worked out almost every day at the gym doing at least 20 minutes of cardio, plus weights and a fitness class. I also went for a swim every Friday and did as many laps as I possibly could in a half hour. I was a lifeguard that taught water aerobics, and was on my feet during my shift, or swimming in the water.
I was active.
While I was in university, during my late teens and early twenties, I was fit and thin, and I didn't even know it.
Me at the peak of my fitness days in 2005
It's like the Joni Mitchell song "Big Yellow Taxi" says: "Don't it always seem to go / That you don't know what you got / 'Til it's gone."
That's me.
The entire time, I thought I was fat. I have thought I was fat since high school, and it wasn't until I got pregnant that I actually got fat -- 45lbs of fat. I ate boxes of cookies and tubs of ice cream within a few days, and never even noticed how fat I was getting. I mean, my body gained a lot of water during the last stage of pregnancy, and I lost 25lbs within a few months after giving birth, but those extra 20lbs have stuck with me through thick and, well, thick.
The last photo of me pregnant: 32 Weeks
I think what the saddest part for me is looking back at the photographs of myself in my peak fitness days knowing that I thought I was fat. I mean, I had the flattest belly that I have ever had, and I thought that I was fat. I know that you can't look at the past and wish for things that should have been, but I really wish that I hadn't been so hard on myself and realised what a great body I actually had.
I could slap myself. I really could.
But enough with the pouting. I am now doing something about it, and I want to share my journey with you. Today I will have completed my first week of keeping a food and exercise journal, and hopefully I will have lost one pound.
My fingers are crossed.
I know that I probably will never look like I did at the peak of my fitness ever again. It honestly doesn't seem that feasible, but I guess we'll find out in the coming weeks. I'll be sharing more of my plan and how I am doing with everything as the weeks pass.
Stay tuned!