Why We Will Only Have One

January 23, 2013
This is a difficult subject to talk about. There are so many people out there that want nothing more in the world than to have a child, and here I am about to talk about why my husband and I are happy with only having one.

As soon as you get married, the question of when you are going to have kids starts coming up, and as soon as you have a child, the question of when you are going to have another one comes up. Some people want to have children, while others do not, and some people want to to have ten children, while others will only have one.

The question of having another child is a tricky one for us. After giving birth to my son, I was struggling with getting used to the life of being a mother, but I knew that I didn't want to close the door on having another child. As we are approaching the second anniversary of our son's birth, my husband is preparing to take the next step in making it a lot more difficult for us to have another child.

Although my heart will always be open, it is no secret that I didn't enjoy pregnancy. That is something that I am very unwilling to put my body and my mind through again. I also want to be able to give my child everything that I didn't have growing up, specifically the gift of travel. Call me selfish, but that is something we wouldn't be able to do with more than one child.

I also understand that having another child is something that my husband is unwilling to do. He is an amazing father, but he became one because I so badly wanted to be a mother. He does not regret his decision to become a dad, but he knows that he would not be able to handle having another child. One child that screams can be tolerated, two children that scream...not so much.

People can push, and people can say what they want, but we know what we have decided and there is no reason why we should have to defend it. When we say we are only going to have one child, it shouldn't be met with comments about how lonely he will be, or that he will be a horrible person because that's how all only children are. He has a loving family, and will have friends that support him -- maybe, eventually, a spouse, too -- and my husband and I are teaching him to respect others -- which includes sharing. Those comments are incredibly unfair assumptions.

The next time you're curious if someone is going to have children, or have another child, please respect their answer if it differs from your opinion. It's something that I'm continually having to work on, too.


  1. I really needed to read this tonight. Thank you so much. I totally know how you feel. My husband and I are in this same boat right now and I think our mind is made up as hard as it is. I also get tons of comments from people when I tell them we're only having one. I wish people would just respect our decision. I'm right here with you girl, you're not alone! xoxo

    1. Thank you so much, Alli. It feels so good to know that my husband and I are not the only ones that have struggled with this decision.

  2. my fiance and i have always said we only want one, and i find it absurd that people feel the need to (negatively) comment on that when they ask how many children we want. more power to ya'll for knowing exactly what yall want!

    1. Thank you, Camille. I'm glad that you and your fiancé already know what you want. It gets so hard to be polite when people don't keep their negative comments to themselves, doesn't it?

  3. As Grammie, thank you for the one little fellow that you gave us to love and share with you. God has blessed our family.
    Love, your mom

  4. In our family we are going through a similar debate. I don't know if I could physically handle all the pregnancy/early days stuff again, particularly as we both get older. And we have similar issues - travel, opportunity to consider. So...we shall see. not sure yet.


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