June 15, 2012

At Peace

It took my husband and I about one year to get pregnant -- from the time we started to the time that we found out, it was almost exactly a year. Now, I know that there are people out there who have had to wait, or are waiting, a lot longer than a year to get pregnant, but it feels like forever when all you want is that little bean growing inside your belly, and it seems like everyone around you is getting the thing that you most desire.

I remember anxiously purchasing pregnancy tests and anticipating the answer -- which was always negative -- for the first few months, and then I entered several months of sadness. It wasn't until I sat down and told myself, and my husband, that if we were meant to have a child then we would, and if we weren't meant to have a child then I was okay with that. I knew that there were other ways to have children, and I was more than willing to open up my heart to a child that needed it if I was unable to do so with a child that my husband and I created -- although I know that a little piece of sadness would always be there in knowing I couldn't give birth.

It was after this peace that I made with myself that I got pregnant.

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